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Why I thank God for Asians in America.

Zion, IL
By A.B. Dada
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I have three local friends who I keep in touch with through e-mail, and occasionally in person. They’re all heroes of mine because of their lives and lifestyles — I only wish I could emulate their drive and responsibility.

When I speak with my white and black friends (yes, they all prefer to be called that regardless of how PC it is), none of them seem to have the same connection that they do to family, community and friends. For the Asians I know, their lifestyles, businesses, and family relationships are cohesive and begin at birth.

One friend, an immigrant from Vietnam who moved here when he was 3, runs a very successful chain of small restaurants. They’re not Asian restaurants, either, but burger joints, a greasy spoon, and the like. His story is fascinating, and is similar to the other Asians I’ll describe.

At the age of 12, he was a top student, but also working at the diner his father worked at. He bussed tables, and during slow times focused on his homework. He learned quickly the art of hard work, and also learned the value of the dollar. I know for certain that every tip he earned he saved.

When he finished college, his first goal was to start his own restaurant. College was not a priority since he was already planning a restauranteur career, but his parents wanted him to go to college. I know for a fact that he didn’t borrow one cent, or get one cent in grants, for his college career. His family, friends, and the Vietnamese community paid for him to go to college. Can you imagine asking even ONE of your neighbors, or extended family, for a dime to attend school? He didn’t borrow the money — it was provided for him.

When he was ready to start his first restaurant, he just asked his community for the money. Close to 100 of his family, friends and community members advanced him $100,000 for his restaurant. This was not a loan with interest, just a loan to be paid back in full. I’m fairly certain his restaurant became profitable in year one, because he was paid up by the age of 24, less than 3 years in business. He quickly turned his other profits into more restaurants, the whole time living at home with his parents so they could monitor his lifestyle and spending. I met him a few years later, when he had 3 restaurants under his belt (all profitable and paid for), and was driving a 10 year old Honda. Even though he was earning 6 figures by then, he still lived at home, supporting his family and loaning 0-interest money to new Vietnamese business starters in his extended community.

When he married, he had no large wedding. 200 people attended an event at his congregation, and they all gave him and his new wife money to buy a home, which they did. I think of the $150,000 wedding I attended in recent year (I won’t be specific), and I think of the couple who now has $400,000 in debt for the home and cars. Ouch. My Vietnamese friend has no debt, owns a tiny house (700 square feet?) and is pleased with what he is providing his congregation, as well as students he knows who will attend college debt free, and then go on to start their own business. I would be amazed at how his life would be without the IRS taking 30-40% of his money immediately. The Vietnamese community would be even stronger. When I’ve asked him about health care, he’s told me repeatedly that Vietnamese close to their community don’t worry about retirement or disability, because they take care of those who have proven themselves to be responsibility up until retirement or disability. He knows he will move his parents in when they need help, and I respect that idea. Social security is a non-issue. Retirement homes are unnecessary. Try finding an Asian in a retirement home or in line at the Social Security office. Not many.

My second Asian friend is an Indian. His life was similar, having his education paid for by not just his parents, but the parents of his future wife. The marriage was NOT setup by his parents, but the future bride and groom were approved by both parents, based on his responsibility through school and work in college. Upon marriage, my friend and his wife lived with his parents until his career had taken off. They did not move out of the small 3 bedroom home until he had enough in savings to pay for his house completely. His home is not large, by any means, and not in a wonderful neighborhood, but it is his and his wife’s. They drive on car between the two of them, with the wife taking the bus to get groceries, because they bought a home very close to the stores. I know he makes 6 figures a year, but he lives like a minimum wage household. His profits are used to take care of his parents, and his future. I respect him greatly, as his first child is on its way, and its future is already covered financially. His wife graduated college, but would rather focus her life on providing a nuturing home for their child, and a comfortable home for the husband to come home to. What a dream.

My third Asian friend is still a teenager, someone who e-mailed me a year ago. 16 years old, already Aced his SAT and ACT, and prepared for college. In the summer he works for a local entrepreneur, learning how to handle customers over the phone and handle the work they need done. He is easily surpassing adults I know twice his age, with his care, responsibility, and follow-through. A 16 year old is my hero, because I was not that responsible at 16, or even at 32. It is a miracle that was created by parents who focused on their responsibilities, not on keeping up with the Joneses.

It is hard for me as a half-Asian half-white, because I see the difference between the Asian communities (those that are tight knit) and the white communities. Neighbors aren’t part of the family, they’re people to compete with. People live wealthy and die poor. Kids are left to the teachers’ unions to be raised and mentored to. We white believe we are the greatest race in the world, and we have no idea that we’re not even close to the top 30%. We’ve screwed things up because we’re not focused on the long haul.

I do thank God for the Asians I meet — the ones who are mocked for working at the convenient store, the ones who are embarrassed at school for their geekiness and lack of social graces. Yet I know that they don’t really care about being modern, they care about following through the way that their parents did, and their parents before them. It is a lesson that we can only hope to learn from, but will likely continue mocking and disrupting.